I had another vivid dream last night. I dreamt I had another baby. It came as a semi-surprise to me because I had sort of forgotten that I was pregnant because I barely showed or had any symptoms or anything. In my dream I was seeing some guy, but I was desperately not over Elle. So I had the baby - someone (I think it was my mother) laid on top of me to help push it out. It didn't hurt, but I could feel it coming out of there, and I was physically pushing really hard. Then someone cut the umbilical cord with a pair of scissors but it was connected to my bellybutton as well as the baby's so it just laid there on my stomach (TMI, I know.)

well, I guess my boyfriend forgot that was going to happen, or I forgot to tell him, but I was pretty sure I remembered to tell him. But I staggered to the doorway with my newborn baby in my hands, and he looked up, a look of shock and disgust and betrayal on his face. I was standing there in the doorway desperately sobbing, and he grabbed some of his things and left and wouldn't talk to me. I was freaking out and sobbing and wondering what I was going to do with this baby because I couldn't keep it because I was too young and part of me wanted to keep it but most of me wanted to give it away. Someone took me to the adoption agency room but I hesitated, couldn't do it outright, had to think it out in my head some more.

So I went to go find Elle. She was in her room, and I was so happy and relieved to see her, and she helped me with the baby situation. She was talking to her residents, and when I came in holding a baby her eyes got all wide and she politely excused herself and told her residents to leave. I can't remember exactly what happened. But we were back together and that was the happiest I was in the entire dream.

It was really sad. Most of the dream consisted of me crying. Really hard, saying I am too young to take care of a baby. I woke up and was still residual sad.