Sho confused, sho many questions.  Sometimes I have no idea who I even am anymore - have I become more real or have I become more of a farce? Am I more likable when I have lower self-esteem? Or do I never stop having low self-esteem? Am I an artist now? Am I more grown-up than I was when I was 18? Or will I forever be the person standing over the stove eating spaghetti straight out of the pot? will I be a big 15-year old forever? fuck.

I realize this may make me sound like a weirdo/stoner but sometimes when I get stressed to the point of no return, I have to stop and look around and remind myself that we're all nothing but simple organisms who have convinced ourselves that we're complex and important or that our lives mean anything. Humans invented God because they're scared that their lives mean nothing and that they will someday be alone in the world. Nothing is forever, everything we think is forever is only temporary, we hold our noses, sink underwater and tunnel our vision to make it through each day, we rarely ever come up for air. Everything we believe in and act upon was made up by other simple organisms and we just play into it because it's all we ever knew and we're just mindless rule-followers.  Most speech is meaningless chatter and most thoughts are even more meaningless chatter, because thoughts don't exist to other people unless they're written down or spoken.

ugh.

Maybe i should just sleep more, then I won't keep having existential crises.